Audrey Hepburn once said, "The most important thing is to enjoy your life- to be happy- its all that matters." Obviously in our somewhat rational sense of thinking, we are all aware that we are given responsibilities and that sometimes, our own happiness is not even half as important as the happiness of the ones we love. I tend to be a giving person; so much that I sometimes lose sight of what I want or forget to love and take care of myself- mostly emotionally. Its good to give, isn't it? I always thought that service, being a good person, and kindness to others was far more important than my own happiness.
Wrong! I know for a fact that all of these things are essential to shape our lives and make us good people, but I know I cant do any of these things without being happy. How on earth can one be kind or selflessly serve another when they are angry or not happy with themselves or the life they are leading? The answer is they can't. Yes, they can serve and be kind, but its not the selfless love and giving that we are taught as young kids and all throughout our lives. This principle was stressed quite often for me in church and young women's. Despite your religious beliefs, this is true. If you are not happy, how can you serve others and better yet, how can you love another?
Since I have moved away for school, I get feelings of loneliness, sadness, longing for the future, and other negative feelings. I have cried more times than I can count out of frustration, stress, and missing loved ones back home. I've felt alone and small in the vastness of our world. I've felt scared, inadequate, and even undeserving. From the sounds of all this negative energy, you would think I was really unhappy with me life, right? Sometimes I think, "why am I even here? I should have gone to school closer to home." or "why me?" I do not feel happy in these overwhelming moments, but I do know how to find happiness. If I want to feel happy, I think of everything I am grateful for. (which is so much) So now in the spirit of thanksgiving, I will tell you ten things I am grateful for, in no particular order.
1. My completely wonderful and amazing boyfriend. (its not all cheesy, promise) It is the best and most satisfying feeling to know that you have someone who loves you and will be there for you no matter what, and also that you will do the same for them. Its simply lovely to be in love, but even more so when its your best friend.
2. My freaking crazy family! I know, maybe crazy isn't a nice word to use, but I mean it in the nicest way possible. I love their goofiness and humor. I love how I know I can go home anytime or turn to them for anything and they will be more than happy to help.
3. Education. Ok, I hate homework. Really, I hate it a lot, but I LOVE learning! I love expanding my mind and being able to open my heart and mind to new ideas and ways of thinking.
4. Books!!! Self-explanatory.
5. Writing. I write to better understand myself, to find joy, and to be better. Its the best therapy for me.
6. My body. We've had a rough road, and I haven't always been nice to it, but I am grateful for the body that I have. Because of it, I have learned the importance of exercise and good nutrition.
7. Boots. Superficial, yes, but I really am quite grateful for boots. I love them mostly because of how stinkin cute they are. And also, they keep your feet warm and dry.
8. Disneyland. No explanation needed.
9. Service. How amazing is it that we can work as instruments of God to help others while bettering ourselves? If you want to feel inspired or fulfilled, I recommend you do some service.
10. Pretty flowers, only because they are lovely and remind me to take in the small, simple things in life.
Sometimes remembering what we are grateful for is all we need to boost our attitudes and to be happy. Every one of us is loved and blessed more than we will ever know. Remember that, and you will be happy. Be an Audrey. Be grateful.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Learning Confidence
Disclaimer- this is a really personal post and I am a bit hesitant to even post it, but I hope what I say can inspire and help someone else.
Anyone who knows me well can tell you that I am shy when I first meet people, and also that I have always struggled with self esteem. I often look down on myself and pick out everything I think is "wrong with me." I use this phrase loosely because most of these thoughts are things I have been taught to be "wrong" by our harsh society and evil world. Everyone has faults of course, but it does not mean we are worthless or not normal. One thing I have been working on since I moved away is how to love myself as I am while trying to become better. This process has proven difficult and much more consuming than I thought. Because I take a lot of writing classes, I get a lot of criticism and suggestions of improvement from my peers about my writing. This was hard at first because I loved my writing and I thought it was good. True, it wasn't bad, but there is ALWAYS room for improvement. I always felt bad or embarrassed when someone told me to fix this or change that but now, I embrace it. This can also apply to how I see myself. One thing I have always struggled with is weight. Lucky me got genes from both sides of the family that cause my body to hold onto everything I eat. Ok, thats probably and exaggeration but I have to work much harder to stay in shape than most. After high school I quite dancing, I got a job at Coldstone (ice cream makes you fat friends, but it is yummy), and I didn't work out because I still had back pain from a lower lumbar sprain I had in high school. All excuses and non of which I should have let win, but I did. I also had a lot of stress with my family circumstances and long story short my body changed a lot. I was really unhappy and felt really bad about myself. So enough of this negative energy, because this is not what this post is about. Of course, no one said much because its not really a nice thing to say. I started running in about June or July, but quit in August with the stress of moving away and the death of my friend. When I moved away, I had finally had enough. I got a gym membership and completely changed my eating habits. Of course, now my body is changing in a good way. Almost 25 lbs lighter and I feel so much better ad more motivated to keep going. However, this did not just affect my outer appearance. My mind and ways of thinking are completely altered. Before now, I never knew how strong I really am. Excuses, pain, barriers, and anything else we use to justify why you cant do something is just all in our minds. Really though, what do we have to be afraid of? Yes, we may make a mistake or fail on our first try or even have others judge us. But honestly, who really cares? If you get anything out of this post, I hope that you can come to an understanding that what you do in times of hardship and how you react to adversity is what defines you, not your failures or others perceived opinions. We all have flaws and weaknesses, but embrace them and try to make them strengths. We are all just humans trying to figure out who we are and what we should do for a better life and to better ourselves. I know now that I am important, have worth, am strong, and that I am pretty. Society does not define you. Every one has beauty, you just need to look for it. I still struggle with self worth and confidence, but I am so happy to say that it is coming along. School and a healthier lifestyle have changed every aspect of my life. Confidence is worth learning.
Anyone who knows me well can tell you that I am shy when I first meet people, and also that I have always struggled with self esteem. I often look down on myself and pick out everything I think is "wrong with me." I use this phrase loosely because most of these thoughts are things I have been taught to be "wrong" by our harsh society and evil world. Everyone has faults of course, but it does not mean we are worthless or not normal. One thing I have been working on since I moved away is how to love myself as I am while trying to become better. This process has proven difficult and much more consuming than I thought. Because I take a lot of writing classes, I get a lot of criticism and suggestions of improvement from my peers about my writing. This was hard at first because I loved my writing and I thought it was good. True, it wasn't bad, but there is ALWAYS room for improvement. I always felt bad or embarrassed when someone told me to fix this or change that but now, I embrace it. This can also apply to how I see myself. One thing I have always struggled with is weight. Lucky me got genes from both sides of the family that cause my body to hold onto everything I eat. Ok, thats probably and exaggeration but I have to work much harder to stay in shape than most. After high school I quite dancing, I got a job at Coldstone (ice cream makes you fat friends, but it is yummy), and I didn't work out because I still had back pain from a lower lumbar sprain I had in high school. All excuses and non of which I should have let win, but I did. I also had a lot of stress with my family circumstances and long story short my body changed a lot. I was really unhappy and felt really bad about myself. So enough of this negative energy, because this is not what this post is about. Of course, no one said much because its not really a nice thing to say. I started running in about June or July, but quit in August with the stress of moving away and the death of my friend. When I moved away, I had finally had enough. I got a gym membership and completely changed my eating habits. Of course, now my body is changing in a good way. Almost 25 lbs lighter and I feel so much better ad more motivated to keep going. However, this did not just affect my outer appearance. My mind and ways of thinking are completely altered. Before now, I never knew how strong I really am. Excuses, pain, barriers, and anything else we use to justify why you cant do something is just all in our minds. Really though, what do we have to be afraid of? Yes, we may make a mistake or fail on our first try or even have others judge us. But honestly, who really cares? If you get anything out of this post, I hope that you can come to an understanding that what you do in times of hardship and how you react to adversity is what defines you, not your failures or others perceived opinions. We all have flaws and weaknesses, but embrace them and try to make them strengths. We are all just humans trying to figure out who we are and what we should do for a better life and to better ourselves. I know now that I am important, have worth, am strong, and that I am pretty. Society does not define you. Every one has beauty, you just need to look for it. I still struggle with self worth and confidence, but I am so happy to say that it is coming along. School and a healthier lifestyle have changed every aspect of my life. Confidence is worth learning.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
An Introduction: The Begining of Something Beautiful
Friends and Family,
I finally decided I needed a blog so that I can post about all of the completely amazing things I am learning while at school. Much of what I post will be personal and will relate directly to my life and experiences. Also, I will post thoughts and ideas that are my own. Sometimes they are just conclusions I have come to, or things I find important. The world thrives on healthy discussion and disagreement, so feel free to post your thoughts or opinions. (: As an English major, many of my classes look deeper into the humanities and the human condition both of which are opening my heart and mind much more than I ever expected. Southern Utah University is a great school to attend (well at least for my major) that I have come to love. I feel incredibly blessed to have this amazing opportunity to attend school and also to be doing what I love. My professors are simply lovely and I love absorbing everything they have to teach me. College is absolutely wonderful! Feel free to follow along and enjoy.
I finally decided I needed a blog so that I can post about all of the completely amazing things I am learning while at school. Much of what I post will be personal and will relate directly to my life and experiences. Also, I will post thoughts and ideas that are my own. Sometimes they are just conclusions I have come to, or things I find important. The world thrives on healthy discussion and disagreement, so feel free to post your thoughts or opinions. (: As an English major, many of my classes look deeper into the humanities and the human condition both of which are opening my heart and mind much more than I ever expected. Southern Utah University is a great school to attend (well at least for my major) that I have come to love. I feel incredibly blessed to have this amazing opportunity to attend school and also to be doing what I love. My professors are simply lovely and I love absorbing everything they have to teach me. College is absolutely wonderful! Feel free to follow along and enjoy.
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