Weekends with Marty.

    When I moved away, Marty and I had big plans that he would get to come visit me more often. With rising gas prices and a long drive, it just made more sense for me to drive home to West Jordan and for him to drive from Evanston to West Jordan every other weekend. That and once we started talking about marriage, we knew we needed to save our pennies! Lucky for me, Marty was able to come spend this last weekend with me in Cedar. His parents were passing through on their way to St. George and dropped him off on the way. Thrilled would be an understatement of how stinking happy I was for extra time with Marty.
     Marty and I have been long distance our whole relationship. When I lived up north, I was able to see him every weekend and sometimes during the week if he was driving down for work or if there was a holiday or something. I had already decided to attend SUU when I met Marty, but we agreed that we could handle distance. It was a hard change even though we were already apart during the week and it definitely took some getting used to. But now, our relationship is really strong and we have developed awesome communication skills.
     Our weekend started late Friday afternoon. I was thrilled for a little break from school. Last week I had two essays due, a fiction story, and a presentation- such an awful week! I was so excited for a little time with Marty after a long, sleepless, and stressful week. Friday was spent making delicious teriyaki chicken, snuggling, and watching basketball and of course... Fox news. In case you're wondering, Marty definitely picked what we watched. It was pretty low key but it was so fun to cook together and spend a lazy evening together.
     Saturday was more eventful. We started our day late because Mr. Marty likes to sleep. A lot. I tried to wake him up with breakfast in bed (which worked until he was done eating) but was not successful. While Marty was asleep, I cleaned the kitchen, folded laundry, and did the dishes. When he finally work up, we got ready and had some lunch. We went to a little place called Slurps Up, kind of like Swig although not as yummy. Then I gave Marty a little tour of SUU. I showed him all around campus and inside all of the buildings that were unlocked. It was fun to show him around the place I spend most of my time.  After, we headed back to my apartment to work on wedding invitations. (47 days guys, it's coming soon!) Then we went to Applebee's, our favorite date, and brought it home to watch the games. After, we watched Frozen and made cookies that we ate with ice cream. We had such a fun day full of high calorie food and high quality laughs.

     Sunday was hard, as they usually are when I have to say "see ya later" to Marty. Goodbye's are getting crazy difficult lately. Marty slept in late while I read a little and spent some time on Pinterest. When he finally woke up, it was almost time for him to leave. His parents were on their way and offered to take us to lunch. I was so happy for some extra time with Marty as well as his cute parents. After we finished at Ihop, it was time for goodbye. I've never been good at them, and I hate watching him go after we have had such a fun weekend. I was really sad, but then I started to think of all the reasons why I'm so excited to get married. I began to notice a lot of these this weekend.

1. I will always have someone to cook with or for. I loved having Marty around to help me cook or just knowing that I wouldn't have to eat alone.
2. I will have a grocery shopping buddy. Marty ran to Wal-Mart for ice cream and juice and it was so fun! It was nice not having to go alone and picking everything out by myself.
3. I will have someone to get ready with. It was so fun sharing the mirror as Marty brushed his teeth and I was doing my hair. It was so fun to talk to him while I got ready and to have someone there to tell me how beautiful he thought I was when I was all ready.
4. I loved being able to surprise him with breakfast in bed. Its such a small and easy way to show someone that you love them. I can't wait until I can show small acts of kindness, love, and service to him daily.
5. I am so excited to see him everyday.

Hair Growth Month 2

    Like I promised, I am going to report on my hair growth journey. Not much in my process has changed- I'm still using Mane n' Tail and coconut oil once a week. I shower at night so my hair can air dry and I can skip the blow-dryer. I avoid straightening when possible and other heat tools. I also have only been washing my hair 2-3 times a week. Gross? At first, yes. But as my hair adjusted I noticed a big difference in my hair. The biggest difference I have noticed is the texture of my hair. It is no longer limp, really dry, or stringy. Instead, it has more volume, its lush, and my yucky dry ends are finally healing up. Also, did you know coconut oil is a natural remedy for dry and damaged scalp? My scalp is so much healthier and we all know that healthy hair comes from a healthy foundation. Scalp health is important in our efforts to grow long and luscious locks.

     Many of you have asked how to apply coconut oil to your hair. First things first- don't warm it up! Its super messy if you try to apply liquid oil to your hair. Heating it wont harm the oil and can actually speed up many of the enzymes and nutrients that help your hair. However, I have found that its best to just scoop some of the solid oil out and just rub in onto dry hair. The heat of your body and the rubbing with heat it up enough to liquefy and spread evenly throughout your hair.  You can even use a blow dryer on low heat to heat up the oil on your hair after if is applied. Your hair should be so oily that it looks wet, like in the picture to the right. I usually sleep in the oil and just wrap my hair in plastic wrap or an old towel or shirt. You don't need to sleep in it, just be sure to keep it in for at least 2 hours to reap all the lovely benefits of coconut oil. Also, be sure to use organic and virgin coconut oil as it does contain the highest amount of nutrients and will help your hair the most.

So the results?
2 inches of hair growth when measure from a middle part down to the longest end. I measured barley under 19 inches- like 18.9. Compared to last months 17 inches, this is almost two full inches of new hair growth!

This is huge for me. I have been trying so hard to grow my hair out so a 2 inch growth in one month is huge! I can't say if it is more of the Mane n' Tail or coconut oil but both are helping tons! I also think that less heat and fewer washes is helping the health of my hair.

Healthy Changes

     In the past about 8 months, I have made some pretty significant changes in my diet and activity levels. I went from eating eh, ok and not exercising to eating lots of fruits, veggies, and proteins and running upwards of 5-8 miles a day. Its a huge change but I promise it did not happen over night. A lot of people have been asking me what I've been doing to lose weight but for me, I have learned that it is more important to be healthy rather than skinny. Due to all the questions, I thought I would write a blog post about how I have improved my health over the last eight months.

     First things first, don't starve yourself. In fact, you're just causing more problems. If you're hungry, eat. Ignoring your body and not feeding it causes your body to think its starving so when you do eat, it hoards all the fats and calories more than it would have if you would have just eaten. Just eat- but only until satisfied, not stuffed.  But on that note, eat healthy. Its so important to get good carbs, proteins, fruits, veggies, and so much water all crammed into your diet. Eat real food, not weird weight loss shakes and meals. Doing that is only making you unhealthy and chances are as soon as you quite these special drinks or foods, you will gain the weight back. Changing your eating habits won't happen quickly, it will instead take a lot of time and practice. What worked for me is the 20:80 rule. I know a lot of people only have "free days" once a week but when I was that restricted, I felt restless and wanted bad foods even more. Instead, I ate good foods 80% or the time and used the other 20% for less healthy eating. This also prevented me from splurging and eating horribly for a whole day.
     The next important thing is exercise. Run, bike, lift weights, do strength exercises. All of these are so important in being healthy. I don't know much about ratios of cardio to weights, but I do know that they are super important. I personally run for about 45 minutes and do weights for another 30-40 minutes. Find what works best for you and I promise you will start to enjoy your work outs everyday. I, the girl who hated exercise, now love my time at the gym because its a time to unwind and focus solely on my body. Everyone needs and deserves this. Our bodies are amazing things and they deserve to be taken care of!

Now for the exciting part- the results! I'm timid to post this because I hate that I let myself become so
unhealthy, but it is such a motivation for me to keep going and working hard.

 

     Isn't it crazy what 40 lbs. can do? the top picture was in October and the bottom was in February.

 

 

So..... my secret is.

 

Nothing. Eat well and exercise. Make healthy choices and always keep working, even when you don't see results of feel defeated. Change will come only if you are persistent! Not only will you see the change, but you will feel it! I have more energy and I have more confidence than I used to. I have a better attitude and I am much more able to work through hard things without giving up. Getting healthy is the best decision I could have made for myself.

"You're not a sad story. You're Alive"

     If you haven't read or seen The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I highly suggest you do so. I read the book quite awhile back and I also saw the film when it came out. My sweet fiancé bought both the novel and the film for me for my birthday. I still need to reread the book, but upon watching the movie a couple times since I received it, I was completely touched. Never in my life has a book or film touched me in this way and that's saying something because I've read a lot of books and seen a lot of movies. This story is beautiful and it fits into my life so seamlessly. I am about to share with you some of the hardest times in my life. I wont go into to lots of details, but what I am going to write is very personal and hard. I neglect writing about it or talking about it because at times, it still rips me apart insides and makes me hurt more than I thought possible. I hope that through my sharing you, too, can find peace and comfort through hard times.


    My life hasn't been easy, and even that makes is sound nice. I know pain so deep that I could hardly move. I know what it feels like to be made fun of, to be bullied, to be alone, and to feel abandoned. I know what its like to fall asleep with tears in your eyes and the doubts of not being able to make it another day floating around in your head. I know what it feels like to be pushed and prodded because you're and easy target. I know what it feels like to watch your family fall apart. I know what it feels like to watch people you love fall apart.  I know how badly life can hurt.
     In my life, I have always struggled at making good friends. For some reason I always tend to be friends with people who belittled me and made me feel like they were better than me. Why I did this to myself I will never know, but I did. I remember one instance where someone was questioning why I was talking to another girl. They didn't know I was listening but her response was, "Its because neither of them have any friends," I was hurt. Here was a girl I looked up to that had no respect for me as a person. I continued to hear little biting comments her and her friends would make about me. I didn't see it at the time, but there was a small scale of emotional bullying going on. Even to my face, they would correct every little thing about me and always tell me that I wasn't good enough. I would hide the hurt form everyone, even my family because I didn't want them to know how hard it was. I didn't want people to know that people didn't like me and that they were mean. Still, I endured and tried to be nice because I thought that was right. Turns out, I was wrong.
    I have many times been the backlash of other peoples hurt feelings or anger. I watched people I loved and who I thought were supposed to love me lash out on me like I was an awful human being. I have made plenty of mistakes just like everyone else but I was and sometimes still am under constant attack for trying to do my best. I have been pushed to my limits many times simply because I wasn't doing what they thought I should or what they wanted me to do. I watched my self esteem dwindle down to almost nothing as I tried and tired to pick myself back up every time they pushed me down. It was exhausting and I was losing terribly.
     At one point I didn't only have others working against me, but I had myself; and I still do have both of these forces working against me. I constantly pick at myself. If someone thinks less of me or says something rude, I think its my fault and that I deserve the harsh treatment. When I feel bad, I feel worse because I feel bad that I feel bad. I feel a constant need to apologize for being myself and doing what I want to with my life. I always feel like I am walking on eggshells to please others because I don't want to offend anyone. Really though, someone will always be offended by your choices.
     Lately, it seems to have been getting worse. For a short period I thought I had a grasp on things only to regress back to how I used to be. I worry a lot about things I cant control and I always blame myself when others chose to speak unkind words to or about me or when they act harshly towards me. Its easy to fall into this trap, isn't it? I know what I'm feeling is bad because I know God loves us. Yes, we will feel sad and defeated no matter what but when we feel like we are worthless, that is Satan speaking to us. However, most of the time I don't know how to stop it. I find myself feeling so inadequate that I cry and hurt because I feel like its my fault I'm being treated this way. As hard as it is, I know deep down that I'm not. How others choose to treat me is reflection of them and not of myself. How others chose to act is not my fault. If you are being treated poorly and unkindly for no apparent reason, its not your fault either.

This relates so much to the story I talked about earlier.

    The protagonist, Charlie, has also had a pretty terrible life. He has been coping with depression and at one point even tried to take his own life. He has even been sexually abused by his aunt which he hides form his family. When she dies, he feels responsible for her death because she was going to buy his birthday present and also because he wanted her to die. Although my life hasn't been this bad, I can relate. In the end, Charlie says something absolutely beautiful.

 

    

 

     When I heard this line, a huge light clicked on for me. Isn't it amazing how we get answers to prayers in the least expected ways? Suddenly I realized that even though all these awful things have happened to me, I'm still alive. I also realized that its ok to feel this way. Its not my fault that I've had a rough road with the things my family has gone through and its not my fault when people choose to be mean to me. I cant control that. To heal, I have to feel the hurt but I have to cope with it and learn to recover. I need to rely on my loved ones and my Heavenly Father to help me carry this burden I've been given. I'm not my experiences and I get to chose who I want to be. I have come a long way with myself, but I still have such a long ways to go. But its ok because I get to learn. I get to learn how strong I really am, who my friends really are, but even better than both of those I get to learn who I am. I get to direct my own life and I get to chose how I handle all these awful things.

     Like Charlie, it has taken some great people to show me how great life can be and how good I can be. I really owe so much to my sweet Marty. He is the one person I know will never doubt me and will never criticize me when I feel bad. Instead he show me why I am good and he loves me through all the hurt. I cant even begin to express how grateful I am to him and all his help through the difficult times the last 11 months. Like Mr. Anderson from the movie and book says, "We accept the love we think we deserve." Its been a long time coming, but I finally feel like I deserve to be loved and cherished.

     If you are having a hard time, know that your not alone. I often think that no one will understand the pain I feel and I hide it. All I can say is stop it. Pray and talk about it to those you trust. Read about others experiences. But no matter what, don't give up. This life isn't easy, but when we learn to endure and rely on others for help, it becomes a beautiful journey.

20 Reasons Why 20 Will be the Greatest Year Yet

   So to start off this post, I want to thank everyone for all the birthday fun and birthday wishes! I had a great weekend and I feel so blessed. This weekend was crammed to the max with fun (and unhealthy food) for my birthday. My cute fiancé, Marty was able to come down to West Jordan to celebrate with me and I was ecstatic. Friday, I drove up from Cedar City. I met my grandparents at their home. They treated me to a delicious Peruvian lunch and great company. I love my cute grandparents and it was so fun to spend some time with them. That night, I went with Marty and my siblings out to a pizza dinner with my dad and then we watched a movie. That was also super fun. On Saturday I celebrated with my mom. We went to lunch at Panda, The Sweet Tooth Fairy and also the Waffle Love truck. So much fun! Sunday was much less demanding but sad because I had to return home. Its always hard to come back after an enjoyable weekend.

 

 

 

 

 In celebration of my 20 years of life, I compiled a list that I wanted to share with you all.

20 Reasons why 20 will be the Greatest Year Yet
1. I get to get married! In just 82 stinking days, I get to marry my sweetheart.
2. I get to move out (again) but this time with the most awesome roommate of my choice. ;)
3. Marty and I get to go to Las Vegas for our honeymoon.
4. I get to start my last year of college! Holy smokes that crazy.
5. The epidemic of the small uncomfortable bed will be defeated. In other words, I get to leave my awful apartment bed.
6. No more long distance for Marty and me. Thank-freaking-goodness.
7. I get to look for a job! Ok, so looking isn't great, but I am excited to start working again.
8. During this year I wont have to take ANY general education courses at school.
9. I'm transferring (yet again) to a new university and I am pretty dang excited for it!
10. I get to change my last name,
11. I'm going to have the opportunity to read all sorts of lovely books through my last year of schooling.
12. As a wife, I'm going to develop my cooking skills. (I might even be able to convince that eating healthy can actually be yummy.)
13. Marty and I will be able to start developing our own traditions for us and our future family.
14. I get to be a newlywed. I get to learn all about (or at least some) being married and also, we get to live as minimalists. Yay for being newly married!
15. I get to write. I have made it a goal to develop my blog into something more successful and also to become a published writer. I get to use this year to keep practicing and developing my skills.
16. I will finally be able to see Marty every single day.
17. I get to live as a married student. Hard yes, but guys, I get to snuggle while I read and write papers. If that's not perfect, I don't know what is.
18. I get to enjoy life more through divorcing social media. Ok, I know that this is basically social media and no, I'm not deleting my Facebook and instagram. I'm just going to try and spend less time on them so I can be more fully present in my life and in the world.
19. I get to move away from Cedar City which means no more 3 hours drives 2-3 times a month.
20. I get to work on becoming a better version of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

 I have a feeling that 20 is going to be the best year yet!

Simple Beauties

     Anyone who knows me knows how much I adore Zooey Deschanel. (She's gorgeous, lovely, funny, brilliant, and talented- What's not to love?) I found this quote about a year ago and it really touched my heart. It seemed so absolutely applicable and even now this quote fits into and inspires my life. Its simply amazing.

 
     I can't say enough how amazing my life is, and how breath-taking the world we live in is. Recently my life has been changing faster than I can think. The life I used to be apart of has moved on and I have taken on a much better and more beautiful life. Its no surprise that one of the biggest changes coming my way is my upcoming marriage to my incredible fiancé. Its easy to be overwhelmed and stressed about everything (especially because I have such an anxious and high-stress personality), but I am trying to take in every little detail and second and enjoy. When you realize that you will never get to experience this part of your life again, you realize that you should take in every single tiny thing that you can. Life will suddenly become less mundane and you will realize how beautiful your life is; you will realize how wonderfully blessed you really are.
     This last weekend I was lucky enough to go wedding dress shopping. It may be silly of cliché, but I have dreamed about that day since I was little. I always pictured a gorgeous dress to wear on my perfect wedding day. With the first dress I tried one, I became a bit overwhelmed with emotions and got a bit teary eyed. I was embarrassed, but I was just so excited. Seeing myself in a wedding dress made me so excited for my wedding and was exciting because I had always dreamed of that day. I felt so beautiful and so blessed. It was a lovely day. (p.s. we found a beautiful dress. I can't wait to wear it (: )
     I bring this up because I feel it correlates directly with this quote. Why do we as people dismiss emotions for nothing or much less than they are? To some it may seem weak to weep over a wedding dress, but as a true expression why should it be suppressed? This is not only true for women, but of men too. I truly believe that true strength comes through vulnerability. Vulnerability happens when we let down our walls and let go of "social norms" to express or act in the ways that are true and personal to us. It is hard to do this, but I honestly believe that by doing so, we become stronger and more in tune with ourselves and others. Not only that, but we are blessed beyond measure with a stunning world and opportunities. We should never take it for granted. So go ahead, gawk at the pretty beach or cry when you hear a beautiful poem. This world is ours, and your life is what you make it. When we are surrounded with such beauty and experience bliss, why shouldn't we enjoy it fully? Wait don't answer, its a trick question. The answer is that we should.
     For my fiction class, we are required to keep a writers notebook. In this, we write images, experiences, or anything else that moves us or makes us think in any way. Now, you don't have to carry it around like I do, but I would encourage you to try keeping a journal specifically for images and experiences that touch your soul or inspire you. We have so many beautiful sights and memories, so we might as well let them touch us to our bones and experience them with the fullness our abilities with the joyfulness intended for us.
     I love my simply beautiful life.

Why We Work

I saw another blogger post about why her relationship "worked" in the sprit of Valentine's Day and challenged others to do the same.

 I figured hey, why not? I love my cute fiancé and this just gives me another excuse to write about how great he is! Plus, I'm in the sappy "I'm getting married" part of life so he is my favorite thing to talk about, after all.

We work because he listens to me, no matter how dumb or irrational I am being.

We work because we communicate. Communication is huge for us as most of our relationship has been spent long distance. I trust that I can tell him absolutely anything.

 We work because he never tells me I'm wrong, he only points out a better way to think about things. (Which usually leads me to understand that I am, indeed, wrong.)

We work because he shares his candy with me.... trust me, this boy loooooves his sweets. It's a big deal.


We work because I cant get enough of his handsome little smirks and blue eyes.

We work because I catch him smiling at me for no reason and because I also love to look at him. He is the reason I am always smiling.

We work because we aren't afraid of feelings. Both of us are comfortable telling each other how we feel, good or bad.

We work because we ALWAYS make each other our first priority. Even almost 6 hours apart, we always make time for each other. Also on that note, thank goodness for Skype! (:


We work because he holds my hand in the car.

We work because we think all the same silly things are funny, and he is the only person who almost always laughs at my jokes. I'm really not that funny, but Marty always thinks I am.

We work cause we make ugly and silly faces at each other for fun.

We work because we never stop laughing. We can be doing absolutely nothing, and we always ending up laughing and having the time of our lives.

 We work because he always lets me try his more yummy dinner when I order something of the healthier variety.

We work because we laugh at each others quirks.

We work because he laughs at my goofy lazy eye and I laugh about his sleepy faces. (Seriously though, this boy kills me with his early morning faces. They are stinking adorable!)

We work because he doesn't laugh at me when beautiful words or things move me to tears. Instead he smiles and squeezes my hand or pulls me close.

We work because he watches all my favorite chick flicks with me as long as I watch his favorite action movies with him.

We work because he lets me read when we snuggle.

We works because when I fall asleep on him, he doesn't move, even when his arms are asleep.

We work because we are grateful for each other. We know that meeting was not coincidence we are grateful to our Heavenly Father for bringing us together.

We work because we both make mistakes. Neither of us are perfect, but we always seem to love each other through the mistakes and hard times.

We work because I'm overly sensitive, and he is more reasonable with his feelings.

We work because he makes fun of all the clothes I have, and I make fun of all the guns he has. He goes shopping with me and I go shooting with him.

We work because we love each other more than anything, and it only continues to grow.

I hope you enjoyed my cheesy post and also learned a bit about our relationship (: I challenge you to make your own list- to post or to share with your significant other. Happy Valentine's Day! Especially to that cute boy I'm writing about- Love you, babe!