Growing up, I had an image of what marriage was like based on my own environment. Not all times were bad, but I can honestly say that my old vision of marriage was extremely dull and inadequate. To be candid, I was even scared of being married for a really long time. My parents were divorced when I was 17 old. They had been through a lot together, but still it just didn't work out. For quite awhile, I saw marriage as a chore. I saw it as something I had to do that may or may not be happy or even work. This attitude showed in my choice of boys I dated. I dated boys who were often really good lairs, and were there when they wanted to be. I looked for the worst in them because that's what I expected. I didn't want my marriage to be like my parents, but somehow that vision of marriage was all I could see for myself.
When I met Marty, little did I know that in just a little over a year that we would be married. I kept myself distant at first. I held in all my deepest feelings and hurt and tried to act like the screwed up perception of relationships that I had was ok. How Marty put up with my constant insecurities and negative attitude is beyond me. Like before, I expected the worst but with him, the worst never came. I saw so much more good than I did bad, that the flaws became irrelevant and unimportant. I saw how much someone can care for another.
Since then, and especially since being married, my perception of relationships and marriage has changed drastically. I have learned that marriage is nothing like what I thought it was, and absolutely nothing like what we see dramatized in movies and television-- It's BETTER! It isn't screaming fights, nagging, name-calling, or even fancy dates, lavish gifts, constant physical touch, or anything like that. It's love. And love is simple. Love is the arm you feel close around you in the middle of the night, or the smile he gives you as you make dinner together. Love is when your spouse boils water for you while you are sick when there is no more for your bath, its dancing in the living room, or singing cheesy love songs to each other in the car. It's saying your sorry when you disagree and admitting when are wrong. It is giving up the deepest part of you willingly and loving your spouse despite their darkest secrets and lowest feelings.
Despite the newness of our marriage, I can truly say that I know that marriage is going to be hard sometimes-- aren't all the best things in life difficult at some point? But with whatever trials we may have to face, I am so glad that I get to do it with my best friend. Marriage is truly a gift and we are so blessed to be able to commit to something so wonderful and to be given the change to have our own families one day. When I was engaged, I heard a lot of negative things about marriage all of which I know depend so much on our attitudes and approaches. Yes, its hard. Yes, it's added responsibility. Yes, its an adjustment. But all of those things can be good. Why is change or hard work bad? It's not! Our instantly gratifying world likes to tell us that it is though, because so many do not desire to take the effort or time to make something worthwhile. If it's not perfect at first, they want to throw it out. Marriage isn't valued in our society as much as it used to be. Divorce rates are soaring and people are scared to commit themselves. With so much evil in the world, I can understand the hesitation. I felt it too, at one point. However, marriage to the right person is absolutely amazing. How great is it that we have a partner to share our happiest moments and our lowest times? We have someone to lean on when we are sad and someone to cleave to when times get hard. There WILL be times or trial and difficulty, but you get to go through them together. Despite what I heard form others, marrying Marty was the best choice I ever made, and I feel so happy and blessed that he chose me to share this crazy life with.
